9 of 30: Transparency NaPoMo 2017

The thought is nice:

Having someone to come home to

And today it hit me like bricks 

In the presence of love 

My heart is overjoyed for their love

All of them

The ones who have found each other 

Who have and will make vows 

Promises of forever 

I've had that 

Before 

I guess forever was not for me at that time 

No one to blame 

Just the placement of stars 

I've seen many moons alone 

But never like this 

Desire burns deeper than ever felt 

I have no choice but to be patient 

Hoping 

Praying 

That forever will find me again

8 of 30 NaPoMo 2017

To the woman who couldn't help me because she was about to go on break

"Excuse me, may I have your assistance please?"

She smiles 

Rolls her eyes and says 

"I'm sorry I'm about to go on break"

10 minutes prior 

It's 7:10

I rush in...frazzled

This ain't my first rodeo [pun-ironically I'm in Texas]

But I'm slightly confused 

I look around and lock eyes with the same woman 

7:20

"Are you flying United?"

Yes I am

"Ok great you can check in right here at the kiosk"

I smile, "thank you"

It's now 7:25

I can't find my flight

I start over 

7:29

I can't find my flight 

7:31

I find it 

"The time to check your baggage has passed, please seek assistance"

Heart drops 

I look for the same woman

We lock eyes 

"Excuse me, may I have your assistance please?"

Her eyes roll

Her smirk, fake

"I'm sorry I'm about to go on break"

"But can you tell me where to go and what I need to do now"

"I'm sorry I'm on break" 

She walks away

It takes me a minute to digest what just happened 

Calculate my next move 

It is now 11:34 

I'm awaiting my next flight 

And can't help but think about her 

In lieu of frustration 

I thank God for favor

And pray for her anyway 

Hoping that she too will make it home today.

7 of 30: Haikus NaPoMo 2017

What is love really?

A connection of heart sounds 

And souls intertwined 

Mind blowing and truth 

Desire to delve deeper 

The peace you long for

6 of 30 NaPoMo 2017

There are times I let frustration get to me

But not for very long

I go there 

And I allow myself to feel...Everything 

Sometimes sadness greets me and asks where I've been

Other times peace invites me to take a seat then smiles

"You already know what this is" 

I wish I could say that it gets easier: The rising and the falling 

The ebb and flow of my emotions 

At times, tears feel more natural than a smile 

It takes a while to settle 

And sometimes I nestle in the freeing it presents 

An opportunity to grow 

To learn...To burn and let burn 

There are times I become one with the pain

And allow the aches to move me 

Because I can't stay still

Always too anxious to allow contentment 

So I move anyway 

In any way that seems attainable 

I breathe...Then release 

Knowing that if I can do that [breathe]

I can conquer everything else in peace

5 of 30 NaPoMo 2017

Sometimes I look at you like the best book I've ever read. You're always on my mind. And thoughts scatter a million miles a minute. Wishing nothing but peace for you. Time flies like we've been here before. And pieces seem like they fit before. Maybe we wished for this. In an alternate reality we would be perfect. And nothing would require explanation. I find myself deviating from conversation because I refuse to fall. When your eyes become too intense, I look away. And make jokes. And change subjects 

Because...Just because...The right words escape me to say how I feel. I wish that I could say I'm envious of them; The ones who left behind broken pieces but they were never worthy of you. 

I almost wish I could men in black zappy thing even the slightest memory they have of you.?So undeserving. The mere existence of you should have made them quiver. But they couldn't 

The Jester was never meant to stand next to the Queen. Having nothing to deliver to you other than heartache. So now they scream their mistakes with hopes of pulling you back in. I pray you never let them. They already take up too many pages. 

4 of 30 NaPoMo 2017

So many years were stolen from us

Time we didn't even know we had 

Because neither of us knew the other existed 

I've resisted temptations to be angry at him for never allowing me to know you 

He doesn't deserve that

But he also doesn't deserve our love 

Yet here we are 

Direct reflections of him 

Forced down paths we didn't choose 

You've lived a life I wish I was a part of 

Before now 

Maybe heartaches and stupid decisions could've been easier to swallow

If I could have had you, maybe I wouldn't have hated him when I did

Maybe loneliness could've have never been a burden I'd have to carry 

Alone 

I often think of what it could've been like

Late night talks and advice 

Girly things like 

Getting our hair and nails done 

And whatever else sisters do when they know each other

I'm ashamed to say that I never knew that feeling

Until now 

It would be easier to hate him now...true

But I can honestly say 

I have more love for him than I have ever had before 

Simply because of you

3 of 30 NaPoMo 2017

I'm searching for a 90's R&B kind of love 

A love like rhythm and soul in non stop rotation 

Where lyrics and beat dance in syncopation 

creating complicated melodies 

A love where heaven be the center and the goal

A love like whole 

Like peace 

Like knees weak but secure

A stance pure and with intention 

Attention never swayed 

Firm and in

A love like soul and heart 

Like mixed media art forms hand crafted by design 

Gods hand intertwined 

A love like spirit and mind 

Like time has no place 

In this space there's just you and I 

Humming memories of what used to be 

Do you remember the time? 

When butterflies clouded judgement 

And we gave no thought to how love went 

Or was supposed to go

Young hearts roamed freely and dumb 

Yet there are no regrets 

I just wonder what kind of love is next to come 

2 of 30 NaPoMo 2017

Lately, I've become increasingly aware of my past.

The one I chose to forget.

The one I am choosing to remember,

Now.

I seek to know who she was.

Who I am is because of her.

And tomorrow, 

Pieces of her will appear.

The encounter will either be ugly or pleasant,

I am prepared for both 

Eager to introduce her to this version. 

I will invite her along for the journey ahead. 

We can only conquer the suns after, 

If we go together,

And moon gaze at the moments we've traveled through. 

In awe of one another's existence, 

A shattered yet beautiful reflection. 

Connected by the same soul 

Strengthened 

And ready to meet the next one. 

1 of 30 NaPoMo 2017

There is so much truth behind your eyes

Secrets I dare not change

Nor try to erase

So I listen

Intently 

To every word

Every phrase 

Every breath and pause 

you've been waiting for someone to lend an ear to. 

So I listen

Deliberately 

Eyes closed to be placed there 

That place where your heart decided to speak

Never intending to be heard 

But here I am 

Listening 

Breath bated and in awe 

Attentively craving more of your truth

Black Girl Magic

Black girl you are more than words you are Beyond this Earth your worth should never be determined by the amount of melanin in your skin so go Within give the you to the world that you've been waiting to unleash wake up adjust your crown and arm yourself daily with affirmations of your greatness black girl the world is yours never allow circumstance to define who you are what you will be is exactly what you think so equip yourself with more. positivity than you can stand black gkirl stand up your rightful place is waiting for you. Earned for you by your mothers there are hand written instructions inscribed on every strand of your DNA so slay you must build a rock solid mountain of truth with the dust from your grind black girl gon head and shine let your path take you to the placement of your star sometimes you may need to map your own way but you are never alone they are there those who came before you

Their shoulders broad for your height black girl stand stand tall plant feet and get ready to soar strap up aim higher than you never thought of black girl love with intention but don't you dare give it to another being without loving all of you first fall in love with the parts you hide and make them seamless steps in your stride black girl walk black girl strut high step head up back straight black girl rise you are special you are queen black girl rise you are the essence of everything beautiful black girl soar black girl fly black show out show up black girl show them who you really are. Black girl move, move on past your hurt expose your scars proudly and say I am still here I have survived black girl cry if you have to use your tears to construct a River Jordan to your own Promised land. Black girl call on them often she your ancestors she Oshun she Ma'at she Maya she Harriet she Mary she black girl...black girl she she is all of you.

Dear America...

Dear America,

So if I resist,
is that reason enough for you to call me a traitor?
Or would it better suited to just say that I am fed up?
Tired of taking advantage of the opportunities you said were also for me.
Hoping that I would forget that you never created them for me to have?
I've been oppressed by your system before I was even thought of.
Thank God the love of my mother has taught me to transcend boundaries
and boarders
and stereotypes
and the boxes
you attempt to force me in.
I am not your puppeted American.
I am the long awaited smile of my ancestors who once looked up towards heaven and saw me.
The long stare down a gun barrel head high with accepted fate because one day a change will come
I am the one who will stand against the hypocrisy of religion and live by Gods real love
But...
If I do not resist,
will I be expected to sign away my freedom just to get a piece of this pie you baked?
The one filled with expired ingredients and sour milk curdled with antiquated values and pre historic thoughts that has stained the fabric of how this land was truly created?
If I do not resist,
what am I saying to lives lost that fought for you?
If I do not resist what do I say to myself knowing that this art was given to me to reflect these times? What story am I leaving behind embedded in the contents of a time capsule
What am I saying if I don't continue to fight for your reshaping and continue to cry out for true freedom?
So resist...I will because
dear America I don't want to just be accepted
I just want to live.

Taryn "LoveReigns" Wharwood 2017

Writing while black and woman and gay...

July 7th, 2016

There are more words in me than patience to deliver their truth.
So what shall I do?
What shall I say when all I have are words to cradle yet another name another body slain in cold blood.
We speak their names
[Alton Stirling]
in desperate pleas to just live
[Sandra Bland]
in this skin. Modern day lynchings of my people
[Tamir Rice]
haunt me daily as I fight to just be
[Eric Garner]
I am faced with more doubt in this life
[Rakia Boyd]
trying to live and be free in this place
[Philando Castille]
that would rather not have me here. I hear them often
[Amadou Diallo]
and attempt to move forward although who I am causes me set backs, I set "black" on the table before me alongside each label
declaring I will survive in all that has been left for me to feast on.
Yet the taste of this meal has long since lost its flavor.
Strange fruit has never been appetizing and even harder to swallow every time we are force fed irrelevant justification.
The expectation is clear:
"say nothing so it won't happen you.
Don't be too black. Stay in a woman's place.
Don't be gay period.
Learn enough to get by knowing that even a portion of your knowledge they would literally kill for. Don't you dare speak up
[angry black woman]
and challenge this system that was never designed for you.
Sit back and take notes little black girl this world does not belong to you nor your kind.
In time, your frustration will blow over and you'll forget them...
the ones we've slaughtered in honor of the constitution of this great land in which you were never a thought."
My God I was birthed into this problem.
What shall I do?
How do I act on change when chains weigh me and media attempts to sway me into believing black lives matter
but they only matter to those who care
but who cares as long as I punch in on time making sure massa meets his bottom line.
My crime has been caring too much and not saying enough
but what exactly should I say when I can't even find a reason for these words to justify my skin being treason
and who I love automatically makes me seasonal target practice for mass re-enactments of legal bullying and systematic oppression
pulling at my educated black mind
just trying to be counted and make a dime in this human race
I don't mean to sound like I am giving up
but I can't keep up with this pace of extermination.
God I just need to know how
so please accept this as a fed up response of my humanness we need You now.
I need You so that I can truly
TALK BACK!

Taryn "LoveReigns" Wharwood 2017