9 of 30: Transparency NaPoMo 2017

The thought is nice:

Having someone to come home to

And today it hit me like bricks 

In the presence of love 

My heart is overjoyed for their love

All of them

The ones who have found each other 

Who have and will make vows 

Promises of forever 

I've had that 

Before 

I guess forever was not for me at that time 

No one to blame 

Just the placement of stars 

I've seen many moons alone 

But never like this 

Desire burns deeper than ever felt 

I have no choice but to be patient 

Hoping 

Praying 

That forever will find me again

8 of 30 NaPoMo 2017

To the woman who couldn't help me because she was about to go on break

"Excuse me, may I have your assistance please?"

She smiles 

Rolls her eyes and says 

"I'm sorry I'm about to go on break"

10 minutes prior 

It's 7:10

I rush in...frazzled

This ain't my first rodeo [pun-ironically I'm in Texas]

But I'm slightly confused 

I look around and lock eyes with the same woman 

7:20

"Are you flying United?"

Yes I am

"Ok great you can check in right here at the kiosk"

I smile, "thank you"

It's now 7:25

I can't find my flight

I start over 

7:29

I can't find my flight 

7:31

I find it 

"The time to check your baggage has passed, please seek assistance"

Heart drops 

I look for the same woman

We lock eyes 

"Excuse me, may I have your assistance please?"

Her eyes roll

Her smirk, fake

"I'm sorry I'm about to go on break"

"But can you tell me where to go and what I need to do now"

"I'm sorry I'm on break" 

She walks away

It takes me a minute to digest what just happened 

Calculate my next move 

It is now 11:34 

I'm awaiting my next flight 

And can't help but think about her 

In lieu of frustration 

I thank God for favor

And pray for her anyway 

Hoping that she too will make it home today.

7 of 30: Haikus NaPoMo 2017

What is love really?

A connection of heart sounds 

And souls intertwined 

Mind blowing and truth 

Desire to delve deeper 

The peace you long for

6 of 30 NaPoMo 2017

There are times I let frustration get to me

But not for very long

I go there 

And I allow myself to feel...Everything 

Sometimes sadness greets me and asks where I've been

Other times peace invites me to take a seat then smiles

"You already know what this is" 

I wish I could say that it gets easier: The rising and the falling 

The ebb and flow of my emotions 

At times, tears feel more natural than a smile 

It takes a while to settle 

And sometimes I nestle in the freeing it presents 

An opportunity to grow 

To learn...To burn and let burn 

There are times I become one with the pain

And allow the aches to move me 

Because I can't stay still

Always too anxious to allow contentment 

So I move anyway 

In any way that seems attainable 

I breathe...Then release 

Knowing that if I can do that [breathe]

I can conquer everything else in peace

5 of 30 NaPoMo 2017

Sometimes I look at you like the best book I've ever read. You're always on my mind. And thoughts scatter a million miles a minute. Wishing nothing but peace for you. Time flies like we've been here before. And pieces seem like they fit before. Maybe we wished for this. In an alternate reality we would be perfect. And nothing would require explanation. I find myself deviating from conversation because I refuse to fall. When your eyes become too intense, I look away. And make jokes. And change subjects 

Because...Just because...The right words escape me to say how I feel. I wish that I could say I'm envious of them; The ones who left behind broken pieces but they were never worthy of you. 

I almost wish I could men in black zappy thing even the slightest memory they have of you.?So undeserving. The mere existence of you should have made them quiver. But they couldn't 

The Jester was never meant to stand next to the Queen. Having nothing to deliver to you other than heartache. So now they scream their mistakes with hopes of pulling you back in. I pray you never let them. They already take up too many pages. 

4 of 30 NaPoMo 2017

So many years were stolen from us

Time we didn't even know we had 

Because neither of us knew the other existed 

I've resisted temptations to be angry at him for never allowing me to know you 

He doesn't deserve that

But he also doesn't deserve our love 

Yet here we are 

Direct reflections of him 

Forced down paths we didn't choose 

You've lived a life I wish I was a part of 

Before now 

Maybe heartaches and stupid decisions could've been easier to swallow

If I could have had you, maybe I wouldn't have hated him when I did

Maybe loneliness could've have never been a burden I'd have to carry 

Alone 

I often think of what it could've been like

Late night talks and advice 

Girly things like 

Getting our hair and nails done 

And whatever else sisters do when they know each other

I'm ashamed to say that I never knew that feeling

Until now 

It would be easier to hate him now...true

But I can honestly say 

I have more love for him than I have ever had before 

Simply because of you

3 of 30 NaPoMo 2017

I'm searching for a 90's R&B kind of love 

A love like rhythm and soul in non stop rotation 

Where lyrics and beat dance in syncopation 

creating complicated melodies 

A love where heaven be the center and the goal

A love like whole 

Like peace 

Like knees weak but secure

A stance pure and with intention 

Attention never swayed 

Firm and in

A love like soul and heart 

Like mixed media art forms hand crafted by design 

Gods hand intertwined 

A love like spirit and mind 

Like time has no place 

In this space there's just you and I 

Humming memories of what used to be 

Do you remember the time? 

When butterflies clouded judgement 

And we gave no thought to how love went 

Or was supposed to go

Young hearts roamed freely and dumb 

Yet there are no regrets 

I just wonder what kind of love is next to come