I've been struggling with the words in trying to find exactly what to say and how to say it. Attempting to find some inspiring verse or mind blowing, heart tugging message that would fully capture what my heart is saying. Nothing has been able to fully come to form or make any complete sense outside of my head...and then I found this written by a close friend of Robin Williams,Glen Close:
"Robin was incredibly sensitive and gentle and loving. He was very self-critical. During Garp we had a press conference and I was asked to go along with Robin. I watched this quiet man, who I'd never seen reading a newspaper or magazine or watching TV, explode into the press room and do an amazing turn on all the most current events, people and issues. He wove it all into a cohesive whole with no notes, nothing but his genius. It was breathtaking in its spontaneity and brilliance. Everyone was completely blown away. When we walked out of the room together, Robin turned to me with a worried look and asked in a whisper, "Was that all right?" I gave him a long hug and said, "Yes! You were incredible" He checked to make sure I really meant it and then went to his trailer.
Robin was a world treasure. As we mourn his tragic death, we must remember him for the great waves of laughter that he was able to illicit from us, how his humor and insights--though they came from a place of pain and uncertainty---connected us and reminded us of how flawed and fragile...how human we are...how we are capable of moments of inspired transcendence and others of unspeakable despair. Robin had it all. I am so deeply thankful that this dearly loved man graced this particular planet"
This particular reflection touched me because it is something I encounter more often than not. To the world, we (artists, entertainers, etc) have it together. We laugh, we perform, we help, we move in such a way that what we truly feel, in those quiet moments when we are alone, nestles beneath the surface of confidence and talent and becomes seemingly non-existent or controlled. I'm sure this happens to any field but I am only speaking from what I know to be true for me. I've heard many comments about how selfish it was for Robin to do this and not think of his family or friends. Everyone is completely entitled to their opinions, however, what I believe is that sometimes in those darkest hours when you feel completely alone (emotionally or mentally) you think that the best thing to do, even for your family and friends, is to not be here. You feel like if you speak about how you feel, you're going to burden them or inundate them with your sadness. Sometimes you feel invincible and unstoppable and then in a matter of seconds [literally] one rogue thought or negative feeling of doubt swoops in and spirals your whole thinking out of control. I am saying this from first hand experience and by no means making excuses for Robin or anyone else who has succumbed to the battles of depression I am simply saying I understand. Completely. My heart is full but know this, depression is real and beating up on each other and pointing out fault is not the way to surpass it. Understand that when someone needs to be alone or needs time to find peace within themselves, let them take it. It may be a day, a month, a year, a few years...whatever it is they need that time but also in the same breath they also need family and friends who will recognize that they are reaching out and even if they don't reach out to you, they are giving you subtle hints. Pay attention and know that the worst thing you can do is ignore them when they are crying out. If they feel ignored during their depression or even after an attempt, you will never have their trust again.
Rest in Love Robin. Thank you for the laughs and the memories.
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